Struggles

    These past few months have been hard on me. I've struggled with a lot lately.

       Many of you probably do not know that I have adopted siblings (four to be exact and one biological). Two years ago we adopted a little girl, she was originally from the wonderful country of Russia. The family who had brought her out of the orphanage was struggling to deal with the problems she presented. This little girl has Reactive Attachment Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. She was constantly rejecting her mother and the instructions given from the parents and other figures in charge. After four years of dealing with her issues they handed her over to us.


   We thought that we could deal with her, and perhaps set her on the road to healing.  I took her in with an apprehensive feeling in my heart. I don't really believe I have ever thought of her as my sister, even after we adopted her. She's always been more of a boarder to me, a terrible boarder.

   She presented the same issues that she had at her previous home. My family, having seen these with our other three adopted children addressed these the way we had before. After awhile we realized that our methods weren't working. She was always having rages and making us late to important things. She was always doing something she wasn't supposed to. Every holiday or day we got to do something fun she always decided that was the day she was going to go full out even though she hadn't had a problem in weeks.


  I found myself changing. I lived in fear of what the little girl would do next. Would she ruin my birthday party? Would Caroline be able to go to that thing she wanted to go to? What if she had a fit on Christmas? What would we do?

   When she left for a few weeks back in October I realized it. I wasn't me then. I was some other girl who was always on the edge all the time. My parents and siblings had changed too. My mother was always on edge, never wanting to do anything that we had done in the past for fear of it being ruined. My father was stressed, wondering if the little girl would do anything today. Always wondering who would be crying when he got home. Would it be his wife and kids or the one child who refused to fit in the mold?


   Those few weeks of her being gone was bliss. I was me again. I was the Emily that had been lost for two whole years. It felt wonderful. My parents were themselves again too. They were the fun parents I had missed. They were taking us to restaurants after church with our friends. They even let me have a moon bounce at my birthday party.

   The things we had tried didn't work out and a few weeks later the little girl was back in our house for good. The Lord had helped me let go of a lot of anger I had in my heart towards her. He had taken away the burden I felt for so long.

"I removed his shoulder from the burden; his hands were freed from the baskets. You calling in trouble, and I delivered you. I answered you in the secrete place of thunder; I tested you in the waters of Meribah." Psalm 81:6-7

 I was reading my Bible one night, pouring my heart out to the Lord and He showed me that verse. It was an instantaneous feeling. I was free. I was free to be me again. I didn't have to live in fear anymore, for the Lord had taken the baskets from my hands.


   I'm so glad my God is a faithful God. If He weren't I'm not sure what kind of state I would be in right now. He always is on top of things, I'm so grateful for that. He's brought so many wonderful people up beside me, many whom I never would have thought I would be good friends with. We've all shared our struggles, always encouraging the other, sharing bits of Scripture and things learned. It's been such a blessing to have found these young men and women.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and advice. You've been such a blessing in my life. I praise God for you all every day.

I'm still trying to be me. I'm still trying to not let the Devil steal my joy and my life. I have to remember to rejoice in the Lord daily.


Always rejoicing.

the thoughts of an almost sixteen year old

I'm sitting here enjoying my last few moments of being a fifteen year old.  Taylor Swift is serenading me, sing songs about love and being fifteen while Adam Young and Matthew Perryman Jones wait in the wings. Life is so short.

I'm half way to 32, one fourth of the way to 68, and one eighth of the way to 128. I don't believe I'll ever make it to 128. In fact I rather doubt it. Sure, I'd love to live to be 128, the oldest human alive, but it's not appealing. I'd rather be cropped down in my prime then wither away and die. That's one reason I wouldn't want to know if I had cancer... but on to another subject please.  All this talk about death is quiet morbid I think. Especially for a birthday girl.

I've lived sixteen years, and changed so much during them.

I used to be a shy wisp of a girl, who was afraid to speak in public and eat meat. I used to be a girl who hated many people, especially those who weren't like me or those who were too much like me. I used to be a girl who had severe stage fright. I used to be a girl who hated to write more than three sentences, and actually dreaded the whole task of writing. I used to be a little girl in a lost world, without the light of the Savior. 

Now at sixteen, I'm bold. I have a sinking feeling God is going to use me as a leader some day (or maybe even today). I'll talk to people. Sure. I actually love talking to people. I'm still afraid to talk to the people at the Check-out counter sometimes, and you know half the time I make someone else order my food for me.  But I've gotten a lot better. 

Oh and meat. I eat it now. Except for pork. It still creeps me out. 

I'm trying my best to love everyone. Lord knows I fail many times. But those people I hated so long ago, I'm best friends with.  They encourage me so much in Our Lord Jesus Christ.  I thank God for them everyday.  He's blessed me with great friends. If any of you are reading this, I just want to say, 

"I love you. Keep on keeping on for the Lord. And all of you are going to do wonderful things for the Lord someday."

So that girl with stage fright? She's now in a musical, a major musical. Every time she thinks of it she goes back to the day where her friends; Hannah, Lillie,Ryan, and Lauren, convinced her to audition for the homeschool play. She did so. And with much fear she played the part of the Faerie Godmother in Cinderella. Now she's hooked. She's played the lead in several school plays and is attempting her first musical, Miracle on 34th Street.  She's a clerk in Macy's.

I'm now not afraid to write more than three sentences. Next month will be my third attempt at writing a book in a month. All the other times I wrote half a book. This year I'm determined to write the end, even if it's half a book then the end. My goal is 25,000 words. I reached it this summer by panting and dragging my way there. But I'm determined to get there in good shape this time, and perhaps breeze by it.

I now know my Savior. He's a wonderful part of my life.  I'm so thankful for Him and all the opportunities He's given me.
Just recently my family has switched churches.  We left our home church to become "missionaries" for a dying church.  At first I was excited, but then I grew timid.  I was afraid to leave my friends, I was afraid they might forget me.  I didn't want to follow God's plan if it hurt my comfort.  But I followed Him anyway.  It's really enjoyable there. I'm so much closer with my Sunday School group there then I was at the main campus. It's a lot smaller and we have more one on one time with each other. (I went from a SS class of 30 to one of 9) I think now the Devil was just trying to get me to back out. He doesn't want anyone to do great things for God.
But I do.

I want to thank any of you who've read on until the end.  It's been a menagerie of thoughts.  I want to close this post with a Bible verse that has been on my mind lately. 

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

Thanks. I love you all. And may my 16th year be full of God and His blessings. 

Don't Be Afraid Just Because You're Young

     We're being plagued today with the lie of, "I can't do anything for God because I'm too young." millions of young people are believing this falsehood, including me.

    "Oh, God won't use me now.... He'll use me when I'm older. Like thirty." or, "I can't even drive yet so how can God expect me to do great things for Him? I'll just wait..." why do we let Satan control our lives? Yes, when we think those thoughts Satan is controlling our lives. He is using us for his advantage, not God's. And it breaks my heart to say that I too have thought the very same thoughts, this morning even, and most of the time went along with them.

"Ah, Lord God! Behold I cannot speak for I am a youth."
 But the LORD said to me:
"Do not say, 'I am a youth,' For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you to deliver you." says the LORD. Jeremiah 1: 6b-8

Wow. Jeremiah thought like us. Look and see what God said to Jeremiah and is saying to us today. "Do not say, 'I am youth,' For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you to deliver you." When I read that it gives me courage, a courage to do more for Him.

Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these,God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh, for childhood and youth are vanity. Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near when you say, "I have no pleasure in them". Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1

 Solomon isn't telling us here to do what we want when we want. He's telling  warning us to not forget God and to do His works in the days of our youth.

Let no one dispise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. ... Do not neglect the gift that is given to you by prophecy... 1 Timothy 4:12 and 14a

My brothers and sisters in Christ, please don't let Satan control your life with these lies! Stay strong in Him.

New Nature vs. Old Man

⁸ But then, indeed, when you did not know God, you served those which by nature are not gods. ⁹ But now after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?¹⁰ You observe days and months and seasons and years. ¹¹ I am afraid for you, lest I have labored for you in vain.  Galatians 4:8-11

So with God we have been set free from our bondage to sin and false gods right? We no longer have to serve our selfish desires, our terrible old masters, the old man. We are free to be sons of God. To worship Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:23) Yet, some how we foolishly trot back down the path to unrighteousness, our old ways. We choose to worship self-righteousness, pride, and sinful desires.

Why is this?

It's because it's easier. 

Why is it easier for us?
It's because the new man that God has called us to be is not an easy person to be. It goes against our nature as humans.  In Colossians 3:12-17 Paul tells us when the new mans' personality looks like.  Lets take a look at verse twelve.

¹² Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

To me, this new personality is super hard. We must put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. I don't know about you but for me those aren't the easiest things to do. As humans we automatically are not these qualities.

We are not merciful. We are ruthless.


We are not kind. We are harsh.


We are not humble. We are vainglorious.


We are not meek. We are proud.


We are not patient. We are unforbearing.

God has called us to be things that it is in our nature to be the opposite. With out His help we can't do anything, especially what verses thirteen and fourteen say.

¹³ bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.¹⁴ But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

On top of being things we're not we're supposed to forgive and love. Ouch. The verse says what we must do. All these things we are not, we must be. How are we supposed to do that?

Here's the kicker, here's how we can be the things God has called us.  (This part makes me so excited.)

¹⁵ And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

In order to be what He wants us to we need to let the peace of God rule in our hearts, let the word of Christ dwell in us richly in all wisdom, and praise Him. What this translates into is: praying to God, reading deeply in His word, and praising Him with all that you are.

¹⁷ And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Being a "Little Christ" doesn't come from being religious (going back to Galatians 4:10) it comes from a relationship with the Original.

Why Painted Sunsets?

After blogging a little over two years at (:My World:) I've decided it was in my best interest to change urls. It didn't feel right blogging on a blog called My World, when whatever I do is supposed to be about God. Having a blog name that was focused on me wasn't what I wanted to have. It needed to be something that reflected Him. Painted Sunsets does just that.

  Painted Sunsets comes from the song by Charlie Hall called The Sum of Beautiful. The song talks about how God is the sum of beautiful, and how right it is!

You are the God with a face we can know
In Christ you made all thing beautiful
We see Your heart of Grace in all the world
You are the God with a face we can know

The earth quakes with melody,
constellations sparkling,
to our Father, Friend, and King

We love to hear a symphony
from saints and angels, all creation,praise the King
From height of space to depth of sea,
music flows from hearts You have redeemed

The new has come the old has passed (great is your love)
Your words are lighting up our path (great is your love)
You lit the night, made color glow (great is your love)
You are the sum of beautiful

The earth quakes with melody,
constellations sparkling,
to our Father, Friend, and King

You paint sunsets in the sky
You make daybreak through the night
Redemption songs flow from our lives

We love to hear a symphony
from saints and angels, all creation,praise the King
From height of space to depth of sea,
music flows from hearts You have redeemed

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah 

I hope that my blog posts on Painted Sunsets will inspire you and bring you closer to the Lord. For that is it's goal, it's mission, it's purpose, that through my life the Lord is shown.